fume-less water color skies

i have a month and a half to go....chop suey feelings all over the place. sometimes i dread it, sometimes i just want to give birth already and get it over with. i experienced pre labor pains twice and i can't even get myself to moan for the pain...i did not even realize my tears were falling...gushing on my face until arvin tried to wipe them all away. it felt like my lower body was apart from me, or that it was trying to let loose from the rest of me....and i wanted it to!

anyway...it's been awhile since i wrote here. gone are months that should have been noted for the events that transpired since. no use crying over spilt milk....though i think i could cry if i did spill some milk nowadays! i'm still so darn sensitive!

there are many things i miss: my friends!, walking (i can't walk for so long now..i get so tired and my feet feel like they're going to burst after a while), getting pissed drunk (a little), smoking (sometimes), my skinny body (a lot!), sushi and sashimi, trying to surf, lying on my stomach and crossing my legs! oh my gosh, i really miss crossing my legs...although it might do me good never to do so again...varicose veins are gross!

i do nothing but read, water-color, and look out the window. i can't even fix the house yet, since everything takes too much effort and i'm forbidden to get too tired or stressed...or the pre labor monster shows up again and i have nowhere to run, not even lying down helps! looking out the window is one of my favorite things to do now...since i look out to a vast land of lush green and i can count how many goats and geese stop by the one big tree out there for shade. i have a prairie out front....how lucky am i? it's like 'not' living in a city, while living in the city. i fantasize filling the whole plain with sunflowers, since they would be facing our way...the sun rises just behind us! one day i will....and the sunsets are glorious...i call it my 'water-color skies' time....the air is specially crisp in the morning and there is always a choir of birds by the trees outside my window. i plan to acquire small birdhouses to hang on the tree branches so they can hang out with me!

once, while lying on the bed, i looked up the window and saw a big yellow bird with black wing tips and an orange beak on top of the highest mahogany branch...around the yellow bird were three long-tailed brown birds flying all around it. beautiful!

i love where i live now. i am very happy where i am, who i'm with, and what i'm doing. i am inspired everyday to paint (in water-color only...since its fume-less) and because of the trees that surrounds us, even if it's summer, it never gets too hot in the house.

this is indeed a good place to grow a child. i plan to grow a vegetable and flower garden out front, so my baby girl can play with real soil and climb trees! it's specially dreamlike when the flowers bloom out here, all kinds of butterflies float and flutter by.

dreams do come true :)