Old (and young) wive's tales.

Alot of people have been touching my belly as if i'm buddha. It's hilarious. Once...no twice, i went to a party with people playing poker and they all wanted me to sit beside them for luck. Someone even grazed their wallet on my belly in the hopes of filling it in some more, in time for Christmas shopping...When you're pregnant, you are suddenly everyone's good luck charm, a talisman, a mascot, and the all magnetic juju...not only do you get the best seat in the house, the best food, but for some reason, cab drivers are nicer and they rush to you even before you raise a hand to hail for them, people let you go ahead in line, everyone blows their cigarette smoke away from your direction or leave to smoke somewhere else all together, and you are constantly asked for anything you need....Ah~ the perks of being pregnant.

This week, we get to go for our second (ever) ultra sound. I am so excited. First, because i'm tired of googling images on the web for fetal development, I get to see the actual image of my child and the growth! Second, because we finally get to know the the sex and lock in on the name!

I have been getting odd and credulous theories on how to know your baby's gender without the help of technology, from various people, especially my mother. All incredibly unfounded and groundless....but nevertheless, fun. Old wive's tales are oddly, and remarkably appealing, sometimes, i want to abandon all logic and believe. I admit, sometimes, i am drawn to believe. I figure if they had been there long enough and withstood the test of time, they could be true...

Anywhoo, here are some of some of the superfluous superstitious appendages I've heard so far... (regarding fetal gender)

It's a boy if;

• your belly juts out like a sharp torpedo, and rides low to your crotch.
  
• your nose gets oilier and bigger. (ugh.)
• you get dark spots in certain areas of your body (nape, underarm, crotch). (double ugh!)
  
• you are lazy to fix yourself (eg. dress up, put on make-up, and what not).
• you are lazy to clean up around the house (does not apply to people who are naturally like this in the first place, i think...or maybe you get worse).
  
• you feel your baby's first flutters or movements on the left side of your belly.
• you eat a lot of fruits with seeds in it.
• you eat a lot of sour food.
• you have oily hair.
  
• you experience crazy morning sickness.
  
• you have skin break outs.
• you are just plain ugly.....haha!

It's a girl if;

• your belly rides high and wide.
• you have supple beautiful skin.
• you love fixing up (dressing up, make-up, etc.)
• you are very O.C. around the house.
• you feel your baby's first movements on the right side of your belly.
• you eat a lot of sweets.
• you eat a lot of fruits without seeds.
• you have dull and thin hair.
• your morning sickness does not last after the first trimester...or none at all.
• you are glowing and beautiful.

So far, i've been experiencing the tall tales of having a boy. I am lazy lazy lazy. Though i still clean up around the house, i do so with grumbling and it takes me forever because i take a lot of breaks. My red lipstick is my only saving grace for looking made up when i do go out. Felt my baby's first jab on the left side of my belly, been eating lots of sour stuff, and breaking out like crazy.

Am i having a boy?

We will know for sure this afternoon or wednesday!

I am loved.

I am looking out the window as i write; the sky is one monotonous grey lump without texture. It has not stopped from raining since hours ago, when i stayed in bed just looking out, my back turned away from arvin but my hand still in his. Along with the rain, my eyes could not help from pouring as well. I am filled with all kinds of sentiments i can't even zero in on any details. Like the skies, it's like a big lump of liquid mush...unidentifiable.

I know it's wrong to feel this way. I am loved...and that is all that should matter. I have two beating hearts inside me, strong and avid. I want to keep silent but my mind is raising. I know what i write in this blog may sound uninteresting to others, but i meant this to chronicle my pregnancy...that someday i may look at these days and never forget.

I spoke to my baby for the first time yesterday....i mean really spoke to him or her. Because with all my morning sickness gone (well almost), I was truly doubting if he or she still existed at all. The last time we went to the doctor, we could not hear a heartbeat...it was not an ultrasound...i forget what it was called...anyway, she told me it's normal, sometimes it's hard to hear the baby's heartbeat because my uterus is retroverted. But since then, i was worried sick. I became paranoid and regretted not complying to my mother's superstitious advice.

As i spoke, i asked my baby to please show me a sign that he or she is still alive. And lo, i felt slight jabs and fluttering! I was so happy. Since then, I had been feeling the baby move around my belly. Now even. I guess this happiness is also part of my tearful out-pour, together with all the other details i cannot discern.

Believing is seeing!

Not one is the same.

A good friend of mine called me the other day and told me how surprised she was that she is having troubles with dizziness like i am. she is bed-ridden, vomits everything she eats, and has mood swings that goes round and round, non-stop. This is her second pregnancy and she is 8 weeks along. She said that her first pregnancy made her feel like a princess, the complete opposite of how she is now. I said: 'Welcome to my world.' I was so sensitive that i could not take harsh and direct lighting, (daylight made me want to scream), loud noises, and too many things happening at once. At some point, i could not stand music even. I wanted complete silence all the time.

I felt somehow relieved thinking that i am not alone. That this really happens, and it's not just in my head. I started blaming myself for a while, thinking that maybe i'm just 'maarte' and i make things worse just by thinking it. That maybe my fear of childbirth is getting the best of me. I admit, i knew people thought this of me and i was seriously hurt. It just made me want to curl up in a ball even more and hide from the world...I felt like i did not belong. That i am not human at all. That there is something wrong with me. That i was contaminated.

I remember asking my mom if she was the same and she said, even worse when she was pregnant with me, she would faint up until i was born. Another friend of mine is having her third baby and she suffers the same things with her previous pregnancies up until the 5th month. Then why was i thinking that i was alone? And what made me believe that i was normal only after my friend called me the other day? I don't know.

All i know now is that people should never judge other people just because they never felt the same things. Or assume that all pregnant women go through the same ordeal every time. And if you don't feel the same, i only hope that you don't go through the same ordeal as i have.

On a lighter note; i am much better now. the roller coaster has stopped taking me for a non-stop ride . Though i still feel woozy every now and then, i am ready to get off this train and walk around the carnival in wonder and without fear. In fact, i am oddly suspecting if i am still pregnant at all. Gone are my dizzy spells, irritations, and some cravings. I keep asking arvin if he thinks i'm still pregnant. And he assures me that i am. I don't feel my tummy getting any larger....maybe i'm just paranoid. I was so used to the painstaking ride, i forgot how it feels to be normal. I think that i might go have my second ultra-sound. This time, i will find out the sex of my baby. Kinda scared and excited at the same time. :)