I am looking out the window as i write; the sky is one monotonous grey lump without texture. It has not stopped from raining since hours ago, when i stayed in bed just looking out, my back turned away from arvin but my hand still in his. Along with the rain, my eyes could not help from pouring as well. I am filled with all kinds of sentiments i can't even zero in on any details. Like the skies, it's like a big lump of liquid mush...unidentifiable.
I know it's wrong to feel this way. I am loved...and that is all that should matter. I have two beating hearts inside me, strong and avid. I want to keep silent but my mind is raising. I know what i write in this blog may sound uninteresting to others, but i meant this to chronicle my pregnancy...that someday i may look at these days and never forget.
I spoke to my baby for the first time yesterday....i mean really spoke to him or her. Because with all my morning sickness gone (well almost), I was truly doubting if he or she still existed at all. The last time we went to the doctor, we could not hear a heartbeat...it was not an ultrasound...i forget what it was called...anyway, she told me it's normal, sometimes it's hard to hear the baby's heartbeat because my uterus is retroverted. But since then, i was worried sick. I became paranoid and regretted not complying to my mother's superstitious advice.
As i spoke, i asked my baby to please show me a sign that he or she is still alive. And lo, i felt slight jabs and fluttering! I was so happy. Since then, I had been feeling the baby move around my belly. Now even. I guess this happiness is also part of my tearful out-pour, together with all the other details i cannot discern.
Believing is seeing!
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