I still get dizzy...but i'm definitely feeling better. My mood is better and i am able to do more things. My belly is showing mighty that i had to purchase some 'lola' panties (granny underwear). They are so big, one can mistake them as a one piece suit, holding them up in the air. Haha! But i can't wear anything else. My bikini undies are way too small now and i hardly feel protected. And when i wear my regular undies, they start to roll down my belly. So uncomfortable! When i got the granny undies, i had to hide them from arvin for a while, because obviously, they drain the sexy out of me. When i showed him finally one day, i saw the life drain from his face...it went from pink to pale. It was so funny and alarming at the same time. We laughed, but my tummy soon ached from the laughing i had to force myself to get serious. Too serious in fact, that i soon felt bad he had that look. Roller coaster ride all over again! The good thing was; we laughed in the end.
I am so unimpressed by the maternity wear i see out in the market. What's up with that? I do not want to be restricted by bad, insubstantial mommy fashion. I can't stand huge clothes that make pregnant women look more like whales than humans. I want to show off my pregnant belly not hide it. I want to look like a bad-ass mama! I think that i might make my own mommy clothes instead. (light bulb moment!)
Another thing i noticed nowadays is that my nails and hair are growing so fast! i quit cutting my bangs and nails because they seem to grow almost half an inch after a week!...okay i do cut my nails once in a while....i have to resist scratching myself to avoid stretch marks. Gosh, I had no idea being pregnant meant so many restrictions. I get so lazy regarding myself lately, i can't for the life of me, even put on make-up when i have to go out. And it takes me forever to do the dishes..which i thought impossible...ever!
I am naturally warm. Warmer than most people. Sometimes i feel heat waves around my body when i pay enough attention. But i am absolutely warming up like boiling water nowadays! I can hardly sleep at night. And for the first time, i've resisted being hugged by arvin at night! It is ridiculous! I take 3 showers a day, i'm afraid i might dry up. I don't know how i'll survive come summer. I can't stand the heat coming off the laptop right now even...excuse me...i think i'll take my 2nd shower for the day.
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Monday, November 28, 2011
I think , therefore I am.
Yesterday, my mom left for mindanao. I had mixed feelings. I was relieved, for her presence here meant that i worry about her all the time and have to provide for her every need; including the rent to her apartment, daily provision, and her medicine supply. This should not have been a problem if i had a steady income and if i did not have to stop working since my pregnancy renders me a little too fragile nowadays. I had been stressed for the first trimester of my pregnancy, and deciding to take it easy meant i have to stop stressing providing for her at all. I do not want baby with a rheumatic heart or some disorder or worse, no baby at all....despite my fear of childbirth, i am willing to go through it all, if it meant my baby would be well and alive in this world!
But being without my own mother near me is just heart breaking and the comfort she gives me will have to be limited to phone calls, skype and text messages. She taught me the very meaning of tenderness and love. I can't wait to be the kind of mother she is to me. She took care of me here in manila for almost a year, and now i'm glad shell be taking care of my dad, my sister and her family, and our two chikitings, ina and josh. Besides, i'll see her for the holidays. :)
After the airport, i went on a road trip with arvin's family to their home town in Pakil, Laguna. We had to bring their Virgin Mary of immaculate conception which belonged to their great, great grandmother in time for the church procession. It was so fragile and old, that it had to rest on a pillow on their laps in the back seat. There were 7 of us travelling (including, my little bun in the oven).
The town was so quaint! and the church was so old and majestic. Despite my dizzy spells, i insisted on going since i saw the church building on t.v. while watching an 80's flick (Haplos) with vilma santos in it. Arvin pointed out that the church location was in Pakil. And i could not resist beauty! It was a beautiful road trip by the mountains. At one point i was able to see the whole of the Laguna lake. I threw up about 3 times because although the beauty was indeed inspiring, the zigzag road through the mountains proved painstaking to my already dizzy state. Everything we ate and bought on the road graced my stomach for at least an hour and came out rudely, eventually. the road went left to right to left to right, while my tummy went full to empty to full to empty! ayayyay!
Anyway, i am feeling better since the trip. I've decided to talk to my dizziness and shoo it away. And it worked! I have not thrown up since yesterday! yey! i was getting worried about what the doctor said. She said if my condition does not improve and i keep throwing up everything i eat, and i don't gain enough weight, she will have to admit me to the hospital. NO WAY! i will not spend time in a hospital unless i have to deliver the baby. i only really get dizzy come bed time, which works for me, so i can sleep it away! I have to convince myself that although my body is trying to cope with the changes, i still have control. I can and i will.
But being without my own mother near me is just heart breaking and the comfort she gives me will have to be limited to phone calls, skype and text messages. She taught me the very meaning of tenderness and love. I can't wait to be the kind of mother she is to me. She took care of me here in manila for almost a year, and now i'm glad shell be taking care of my dad, my sister and her family, and our two chikitings, ina and josh. Besides, i'll see her for the holidays. :)
After the airport, i went on a road trip with arvin's family to their home town in Pakil, Laguna. We had to bring their Virgin Mary of immaculate conception which belonged to their great, great grandmother in time for the church procession. It was so fragile and old, that it had to rest on a pillow on their laps in the back seat. There were 7 of us travelling (including, my little bun in the oven).
The town was so quaint! and the church was so old and majestic. Despite my dizzy spells, i insisted on going since i saw the church building on t.v. while watching an 80's flick (Haplos) with vilma santos in it. Arvin pointed out that the church location was in Pakil. And i could not resist beauty! It was a beautiful road trip by the mountains. At one point i was able to see the whole of the Laguna lake. I threw up about 3 times because although the beauty was indeed inspiring, the zigzag road through the mountains proved painstaking to my already dizzy state. Everything we ate and bought on the road graced my stomach for at least an hour and came out rudely, eventually. the road went left to right to left to right, while my tummy went full to empty to full to empty! ayayyay!
Anyway, i am feeling better since the trip. I've decided to talk to my dizziness and shoo it away. And it worked! I have not thrown up since yesterday! yey! i was getting worried about what the doctor said. She said if my condition does not improve and i keep throwing up everything i eat, and i don't gain enough weight, she will have to admit me to the hospital. NO WAY! i will not spend time in a hospital unless i have to deliver the baby. i only really get dizzy come bed time, which works for me, so i can sleep it away! I have to convince myself that although my body is trying to cope with the changes, i still have control. I can and i will.
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Easy dizzy.
Arvin was getting scared that i am dizzy 24/7 that he called a doctor friend of his and asked about it. The doctor said it's not normal, that i must have myself checked. After a grueling time of pulling and pushing, he convinces me to go. I was scared. I hate hospitals and anything medical. One of our visits to the doctor was so traumatic, i almost want to have my childbirth at home. Imagine this, my doctor asked to have me go through so many laboratory tests, i almost died. I went through 8! and 6 of them involved blood! Aside from being nauseated, my knees were buckling that day and i'm very surprised i did not faint.
There was a line to the laboratory and most of them were kids getting their first blood typing, blood count...and blood what not. Imagine the screaming and wailing. i was praying so hard for grace, i think i almost popped a vein! my hands were clammy and i almost couldn't walk because my knees were buckling like crazy. Like the kids with their moms, i asked that arvin come with me to the laboratory...i swear i could feel the medics little smirks if it were not for my half closed eyes. They sat me in a little cushioned chair (cushioned or not, i was not comfortable at all!) beside a table with all these test tubes and syringes. Only a small partition made out of fabric separated me from everyone else going through the same ordeal. Hearing the kids wail made my fear grow into a monter. My heart was raising and my spirit ran out of the door...all that was left was my body, my crazy imagination, and my beating heart. Even if i had my hands to my ears, the screaming was so audible, i don't think i could drown it even if i screamed myself! I was bracing myself for the blood typing (yes, i did not know then what my type was...its AB positive by the way) and blood count. Just 2 blood involved tests, and i was dying! then the nurse said after looking at my lab. request sheet: "Oh, ang dami pala nito, medyo masakit ito ma'am at matagal kaya easy lang kayo.." (oh, this is a lot of tests, this is going to hurt and take a while, ma'am, so take it easy.).....WHAAAAAAAAT??? easy lang ako???.... it turns out they were going to get 6 full tubes out of me!!! Arvin turned my face away from the syringe because for the life of me, and in my fear, i could not take my eyes away from it! It took forever and i felt every drop of blood come out of me, together with the screams, like a stroke of blade on my flesh. Just writing about it now makes me weak. Anyway, this is the reason why it took forever for arvin to convince me to go to the doctor yesterday to see about my dizziness. I was afraid of the same scenario happening again. I did everything possible to get me out of the case, i even lied that i felt no dizziness at all, that i was lying the whole time because i'm too lazy to do anything but stay in bed and let him do my every bidding! He told me i was acting like a child, but i did not care. The only thing that made me go was the fact that i was so hungry and there was nothing in the fridge. I knew he was not going to get food for me, unless i came with him to the hospital....So like a reluctant prisoner, i slumped my way out of the door.
To cut the story short, the doctor said I WAS NORMAL! though i might be one of the unfortunate ones who will go through morning sickness all throughout their pregnancy and a little while after the birth. OH GOD, HELP ME! I DON'T WANT TO BE NORMAL!!!! please please please make me abnormal! :( I die now.
If you must know, (not that you have a choice), childbirth is one of my greatest fears. Don't get me wrong...i love kids. I love them so much i even adopted 2 kids who are with my parents right now. I have no problem raising a child or taking care of them, just the actual physical birth. It just seems so violent, there's too much blood involved. Every time i think about what will be happening to me 7 months from now, i could hardly breathe. Not that i was ever trying to avoid having a child, i knew i will have to face it one day...I just can't believe it's happening to me now. NOW IS THE TIME, THE TIME IS NOW. No way around it. This is really happening. I wish i were like my friend, corinne, who, since i've known her, never had a problem with pain....in fact, sometimes i suspect, that she enjoys it too much. haha!
I do not know how to suppress a feeling, let alone an actual physical feeling. I don't know how other people numb out just by thinking it. Pain is pain and pleasure is pleasure. I do not have the capacity to switch them around or think that this 'feeling' is that 'feeling', or that a 'feeling' does not exist at all! If there is a word or a sensation for it, IT EXISTS! I always thought that i must be faithful in everything, even to a word, and especially a feeling.
I'm rumbling on. Sorry!
Closer the movie is on TV! i have a feeling that i must watch it for the nth time. and i am faithful to my feelings! hah!
TAH!
There was a line to the laboratory and most of them were kids getting their first blood typing, blood count...and blood what not. Imagine the screaming and wailing. i was praying so hard for grace, i think i almost popped a vein! my hands were clammy and i almost couldn't walk because my knees were buckling like crazy. Like the kids with their moms, i asked that arvin come with me to the laboratory...i swear i could feel the medics little smirks if it were not for my half closed eyes. They sat me in a little cushioned chair (cushioned or not, i was not comfortable at all!) beside a table with all these test tubes and syringes. Only a small partition made out of fabric separated me from everyone else going through the same ordeal. Hearing the kids wail made my fear grow into a monter. My heart was raising and my spirit ran out of the door...all that was left was my body, my crazy imagination, and my beating heart. Even if i had my hands to my ears, the screaming was so audible, i don't think i could drown it even if i screamed myself! I was bracing myself for the blood typing (yes, i did not know then what my type was...its AB positive by the way) and blood count. Just 2 blood involved tests, and i was dying! then the nurse said after looking at my lab. request sheet: "Oh, ang dami pala nito, medyo masakit ito ma'am at matagal kaya easy lang kayo.." (oh, this is a lot of tests, this is going to hurt and take a while, ma'am, so take it easy.).....WHAAAAAAAAT??? easy lang ako???.... it turns out they were going to get 6 full tubes out of me!!! Arvin turned my face away from the syringe because for the life of me, and in my fear, i could not take my eyes away from it! It took forever and i felt every drop of blood come out of me, together with the screams, like a stroke of blade on my flesh. Just writing about it now makes me weak. Anyway, this is the reason why it took forever for arvin to convince me to go to the doctor yesterday to see about my dizziness. I was afraid of the same scenario happening again. I did everything possible to get me out of the case, i even lied that i felt no dizziness at all, that i was lying the whole time because i'm too lazy to do anything but stay in bed and let him do my every bidding! He told me i was acting like a child, but i did not care. The only thing that made me go was the fact that i was so hungry and there was nothing in the fridge. I knew he was not going to get food for me, unless i came with him to the hospital....So like a reluctant prisoner, i slumped my way out of the door.
To cut the story short, the doctor said I WAS NORMAL! though i might be one of the unfortunate ones who will go through morning sickness all throughout their pregnancy and a little while after the birth. OH GOD, HELP ME! I DON'T WANT TO BE NORMAL!!!! please please please make me abnormal! :( I die now.
If you must know, (not that you have a choice), childbirth is one of my greatest fears. Don't get me wrong...i love kids. I love them so much i even adopted 2 kids who are with my parents right now. I have no problem raising a child or taking care of them, just the actual physical birth. It just seems so violent, there's too much blood involved. Every time i think about what will be happening to me 7 months from now, i could hardly breathe. Not that i was ever trying to avoid having a child, i knew i will have to face it one day...I just can't believe it's happening to me now. NOW IS THE TIME, THE TIME IS NOW. No way around it. This is really happening. I wish i were like my friend, corinne, who, since i've known her, never had a problem with pain....in fact, sometimes i suspect, that she enjoys it too much. haha!
I do not know how to suppress a feeling, let alone an actual physical feeling. I don't know how other people numb out just by thinking it. Pain is pain and pleasure is pleasure. I do not have the capacity to switch them around or think that this 'feeling' is that 'feeling', or that a 'feeling' does not exist at all! If there is a word or a sensation for it, IT EXISTS! I always thought that i must be faithful in everything, even to a word, and especially a feeling.
I'm rumbling on. Sorry!
Closer the movie is on TV! i have a feeling that i must watch it for the nth time. and i am faithful to my feelings! hah!
TAH!
Saturday, November 19, 2011
home sweet home!
Finally! an internet connection! fabulous!
It's been almost a week since Palawan, and guess what! I am bed ridden as usual....sigh! Of course, i have moments of luminosity and calm, such as the one i'm having now and i am able to get up, and actually do something...but trust me, this has a time limit. And i hope i last long enough to complete this blog, before the roller coaster goes off again.
I feel so darn useless nowadays....the only time i was out since getting back was when i had to take my mom to the hospital the other day. Even then, i was a sore companion. People in the ER did not know whom to treat...my mother or me! When will this ever end? They say it will get better after the 3rd month....but i am passed the 3rd month, and it's getting worse! ugh for the nth time!
Anyway, the moment we stepped into the apartment building, from the airport, we were pleasantly surprised to see two other lovely preggyroo friends of mine, who are moving into the building! Gosh, seems like everyone's getting into the baby wagon this year! The two pregnable ladies were lara de los reyes, an artist, who is 5 months along, and my other dita, whom i don't know if i can mention just yet, who is about 2 weeks later than me, along the path. AND! there is yet another lady in the building, ava's sister, who is pregnant as well. I'm just glad, i'm not alone in here! It was weird how our conversations sounded...did not sound like us at all a few months earlier. At some point i knew we stepped out of our own bodies, and just watched 'us' talking....All these talks about doctors, and babies, and what-not made me feel so, yes i'm going to say it....MATURE and GROWN-UP! I used to hear ladies talk like this, and i cringed. And now, well i just feel like i'm a mouth vessel talking...really, and it does not feel as bad as i thought it would.
It was my birthday two days ago, and you guessed right, i spent it in bed! Arvin had work till 8 and i was busy being dizzy. He asked what i wanted, and i said, just give me a big hug every morning when i wake, and that's enough. Seriously, it is. I'm such a big sap, even bigger now, so big that when i don't get some sweet snuggling in the morning, i'm damp the whole day. I don't know why i'm like this...i even asked my own mother. She said, ever since, i'm super touchy feely and tampororot. hay naku! (sorry, i don't know how to explain tampororot to those who may not understand, i will try to...but that's for another blog entry!) Anywho, he came home with our supposed 'dinner out' food and a big bouquet of red flowers! aaaawww! i love flowers! i really do!the touchy feely me was definitely touched. I was not expecting that! it's my first flowers from him!
I am slowly feeling the dizziness coming in. But before i stop, here's a picture of me in bed, taken by arvin a while ago. A proof that I NO LIE. I am in my underwear, but i don't care. I'm pregnant! Why is it okay for people to post their pics in their swim wear and not their underwear? I don't know. But here it is!!! notice the inhaler in my hand, and the bumps in my legs and arms from the bugs...i realized they weren't bed bugs but sand mite bites. GREAT! just great.
Okay, I must beam out now and go back to that position in the bed, but this time with my lovey beside me. :)
It's been almost a week since Palawan, and guess what! I am bed ridden as usual....sigh! Of course, i have moments of luminosity and calm, such as the one i'm having now and i am able to get up, and actually do something...but trust me, this has a time limit. And i hope i last long enough to complete this blog, before the roller coaster goes off again.
I feel so darn useless nowadays....the only time i was out since getting back was when i had to take my mom to the hospital the other day. Even then, i was a sore companion. People in the ER did not know whom to treat...my mother or me! When will this ever end? They say it will get better after the 3rd month....but i am passed the 3rd month, and it's getting worse! ugh for the nth time!
Anyway, the moment we stepped into the apartment building, from the airport, we were pleasantly surprised to see two other lovely preggyroo friends of mine, who are moving into the building! Gosh, seems like everyone's getting into the baby wagon this year! The two pregnable ladies were lara de los reyes, an artist, who is 5 months along, and my other dita, whom i don't know if i can mention just yet, who is about 2 weeks later than me, along the path. AND! there is yet another lady in the building, ava's sister, who is pregnant as well. I'm just glad, i'm not alone in here! It was weird how our conversations sounded...did not sound like us at all a few months earlier. At some point i knew we stepped out of our own bodies, and just watched 'us' talking....All these talks about doctors, and babies, and what-not made me feel so, yes i'm going to say it....MATURE and GROWN-UP! I used to hear ladies talk like this, and i cringed. And now, well i just feel like i'm a mouth vessel talking...really, and it does not feel as bad as i thought it would.
It was my birthday two days ago, and you guessed right, i spent it in bed! Arvin had work till 8 and i was busy being dizzy. He asked what i wanted, and i said, just give me a big hug every morning when i wake, and that's enough. Seriously, it is. I'm such a big sap, even bigger now, so big that when i don't get some sweet snuggling in the morning, i'm damp the whole day. I don't know why i'm like this...i even asked my own mother. She said, ever since, i'm super touchy feely and tampororot. hay naku! (sorry, i don't know how to explain tampororot to those who may not understand, i will try to...but that's for another blog entry!) Anywho, he came home with our supposed 'dinner out' food and a big bouquet of red flowers! aaaawww! i love flowers! i really do!the touchy feely me was definitely touched. I was not expecting that! it's my first flowers from him!
I am slowly feeling the dizziness coming in. But before i stop, here's a picture of me in bed, taken by arvin a while ago. A proof that I NO LIE. I am in my underwear, but i don't care. I'm pregnant! Why is it okay for people to post their pics in their swim wear and not their underwear? I don't know. But here it is!!! notice the inhaler in my hand, and the bumps in my legs and arms from the bugs...i realized they weren't bed bugs but sand mite bites. GREAT! just great.
Okay, I must beam out now and go back to that position in the bed, but this time with my lovey beside me. :)
Monday, November 14, 2011
Bedtime everytime.
Today i spent most of the time in bed. Picture on the left, taken by arvin, is the exact vision of me here at the inn's room, except i'm wearing a different shirt today. Arvin went to surf (again)...mounted his board on the motorcycle and ended up burning the surfboard bag and destroying the board...it got too near the heated exhaust pipe. He came back with a sore look on his face and quickly took his allergy pill and downed it with a beer. Why the 'allergy pill'? Because it makes him drowsy. Like me, he just wanted to sleep his sadness away...poor kid! Though unlike me, I was content staying in...i wasn't sad or anything....just dizzy and lazy. Watched 'workaholics' all day...that blake guy is hilarious, i love his hair and style...though i want to run after him with scissors, still, his character is awesome. i hope he is the same in actual life.
Were going home tomorrow, and i have mixed feelings about it. I can't wait to get out of this town, but i also don't want to go home! I am just dreading to face the apartment again...I am completely mortified of bed bugs! I figured...maybe ill go home to my mom's instead....But i can't stand being away from arvin! I'll take him with me! Now that i'm pregnant, my mother isn't so concerned about what happens behind closed doors, in fact she applauds it this time! We'll, at my age, my parents aren't so squeamish anymore. I am as good as married.
It suddenly rained and wind is blowing mighty. Every single foreigner in this place is unfazed, i had to run back to the room and get my scarf...freaking cold! i guess this is nothing compared to their snowy hometowns. Filipino skin is probably much thinner than most.
Arvin came back with luca with the pizza, soaking wet and tired. Apparently what seemed to be just a couple of blocks away for luca was something like a million miles away for arvin. I guess we pinoys aren't just the walking type. I opened it and was majorly disappointed. I wanted peperoni and mushrooms only...but this one is something like a 'meat' fiesta on flat bread. it looked too festive, too complicated. I could not hide my disapproving face from arvin who felt majorly sorry. He kept insisting that they said; they don't have peperoni and mushrooms....but lo and behold, the round festivity in front of me..had everything in it, including peperoni and mushrooms! wtf! I became increasingly irritable. Every move arvin made was a disaster! well in my eyes at least! He opened a plastic container of sauce which turned out to be patis (fish sauce), and spilled all over the table...it reeked the whole place and i felt even more nauseated...he tried to put this soup thing in a bowl and spilled half of the stuff yet again! ayayay! I tried eating the pizza with half closed mouth, pretending it was all okay...but it was not! Pregnancy renders me too earnest for my own good. The man i can't stand to be without is suddenly...i don't know what. as you can see, i am currently experiencing a roller coaster ride called hormonal imbalance...i'll get over it soon, i'm sure.
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Don't let the bed bugs bite!
I did not ride a motorbike, turns out...it was hard to mount the surf boards on it...and while we could not find on google map where we wanted to go...or any visible road leading up to the cove of Nagtabon, locals told us that while it was a bit of a long ride, most of the road leading up to it is rough and unpaved. And riding a motorbike alone would prove bumpy enough for the growing life inside of me; so we rented a jeep...the only jeep driver in town who agreed to take us was this old man who had faulty hearing. We had to shout everything we had to say...it was exhausting!
30 minutes into the ride, my hair and skin was laden with dust, enough so that when i clasped my hands together, i could form a bit of a clay statue...okay i'm exaggerating! But when you're pregnant like I am, everything is exaggerated. I had two inh
alers up my nose for my nausea and a pillow from the inn under my butt to ease the bump. The road kept getting smaller and smaller with many a dips and highs...i nearly flew out the jeep's back door opening if not for my man holding me. There were moments of quiet roads and I was able to grab a bite (as usual) as arvin took to the roof of the jeep and started taking pictures and footage.all these discomfort was soon forgotten the moment we saw the opening of the cove. It was heavenly! I instantly cried out: 'I want to live here!' like i always do every time i discover a nice place, hoping one day, the universe and God will agree with me finally and let me.
The waves were turbulent and there was a heavy undertow, so i was prevented to go too far into the waters. I stayed in the sun until i could not take the heat anymore and dipped my body on the outer shore lines, which was about a few inches deep. A few inches deep! How boring!
I nestled myself in a beach towel we brought from home, which turned out to be laden with bed bugs!!! I die!!! it took me a few weeks and many a scars to be off with my first bites, now the exposed skin on my back is looking like a connect-the-dot game. I hate it, i hate, i hate it! They bite me and not him.....why???? because i'm pregnant, im suddenly more succulent? THAT IS IT, I'm burning everything down, the moment we get home.
And to top everything off, my hormones are raging....meaning i have a pimple on my left cheek! And i thought high school was over....my back is itchy as hell, my face...distracted by a spot, i swear, i could cry right now. I bought a huge bottle of white flower which i feel like showering with, if it were only possible. Why do pests exist??? WHY???
anyway, maybe if i talk about something else, i could avert the rage.
Arvin went off with luca, the italian guy we met here at banwa, to watch the paquiao fight in some bar in town. I'm sorry but i'm not the sort who relish in this phenomena, whatever it is...never watched a single fight, except a few months ago, and my eyes kept wondering somewhere else all the while. I don't understand why i don't understand it. So damn bloody in the first place. Don't get me wrong, i am proud of the pacman, i'm just not jumping over the moon over the whole thing. For what it's worth, i hope he wins these fights forever and never run for office again.
People, we need more public social servants, more than politicians right now. That's just my opinion.
talked about something else and the itch still rages on....excuse me while i bathe in white flower.
Friday, November 11, 2011
hello world!
I've been meaning to get a journal, the minute i found out about my pregnancy. My last attempt, was last night...and because it rained, and someone had just warned me a few days ago that getting rained on, while pregnant, even just a drop, would make my baby sickly, my man and i quickly hopped into a trike and headed back to the inn. i never got to do to what i was meaning to do all day, except pick up our laundry and buy a few things in the local native market. woe is me!
So much has happened and i wish i had done this sooner! my memory is not as reliable nowadays since i had developed keener senses (smell, touch, taste)..there is literally much too much to remember. and my dreams! they are 10x more vivid (vivider, vividerer, vividest!) than usual...and i tell you, i have very vivid dreams since childhood. Just the other day, i dreamed about all kinds of cakes, i have never seen in my life, and it took me forever to decide which one to get...i'm going to paint them, when i get the chance.
I am exactly 10 weeks along the path to motherhood. and i can't wait for the first trimester to be over! it's been one freaky ride. i am almost always dizzy, and overly sensitive, its making me crazy. Finished about a ton of inhalers and bottles of white flower embrocations. Ongoing thought on my head: 'the room is turning' and 'when will this be over?' i don't even know the feeling of normal anymore....dizzy is my new normal. And talk about sensitivity, sentimentality, and hyper temper! i admit, i was never stoic about feelings. emotional is my middle name or first...but! this really takes the cake. i'm a hundred times more emo than usual. i cry at a drop of a hat, not even a drop, but even when the hat is on! i snap like a turtle at any snide thought. i am mood swinging back and forth. i'm just so thankful, i have a very sensitive and understanding man....thank you, Jesus!
Having muesli with banana and mangoes for breakfast. I really haven't been watching what i eat nowadays..not that i can eat anything...i am allergic to anything sauted, and overly complicated dishes. i like em boiled, fresh, grilled or pouched! i look at food with either desire or desdain...i dont know what to expect from myself anymore. i used to gorge on veggies, now i can't stand them, well it depends on my mood....but im more fruits, seafood, meat, and more fruits kind of gal lately. and for some odd reason, i hate the smell of coffee! its like stink from hell, i cant imagine inhaling for too long, i'd rather die!
I've gained about 10 pounds since my last check-up...and i'm guessing i gained another 5 pounds in the last two weeks. I haven't been sleeping well since my last project does not give me such luxury. Now i'm making up for it...my eyes get real droopy by 9pm and i can be in deep sleep ten minutes later.
Today, i'm just waiting for my man, and our friend, mara to wake up...so we can hop into a rented motorbike (which my doctor told me not to do...we will drive very very slowly...i promise) and head for the nearest surfing spot in town. I can't really surf anymore, when i paddle on the board, i feel my tummy being squished so, i just float around on my back to the board...and let others take the waves...i'm content with the sea and sun. I wonder if they make surf boards with a curve for the tummy? Besides, i still suck at surfing...BUT! i will get better....nothing good is easy...just like motherhood.
So much has happened and i wish i had done this sooner! my memory is not as reliable nowadays since i had developed keener senses (smell, touch, taste)..there is literally much too much to remember. and my dreams! they are 10x more vivid (vivider, vividerer, vividest!) than usual...and i tell you, i have very vivid dreams since childhood. Just the other day, i dreamed about all kinds of cakes, i have never seen in my life, and it took me forever to decide which one to get...i'm going to paint them, when i get the chance.
I am exactly 10 weeks along the path to motherhood. and i can't wait for the first trimester to be over! it's been one freaky ride. i am almost always dizzy, and overly sensitive, its making me crazy. Finished about a ton of inhalers and bottles of white flower embrocations. Ongoing thought on my head: 'the room is turning' and 'when will this be over?' i don't even know the feeling of normal anymore....dizzy is my new normal. And talk about sensitivity, sentimentality, and hyper temper! i admit, i was never stoic about feelings. emotional is my middle name or first...but! this really takes the cake. i'm a hundred times more emo than usual. i cry at a drop of a hat, not even a drop, but even when the hat is on! i snap like a turtle at any snide thought. i am mood swinging back and forth. i'm just so thankful, i have a very sensitive and understanding man....thank you, Jesus!
Having muesli with banana and mangoes for breakfast. I really haven't been watching what i eat nowadays..not that i can eat anything...i am allergic to anything sauted, and overly complicated dishes. i like em boiled, fresh, grilled or pouched! i look at food with either desire or desdain...i dont know what to expect from myself anymore. i used to gorge on veggies, now i can't stand them, well it depends on my mood....but im more fruits, seafood, meat, and more fruits kind of gal lately. and for some odd reason, i hate the smell of coffee! its like stink from hell, i cant imagine inhaling for too long, i'd rather die!
I've gained about 10 pounds since my last check-up...and i'm guessing i gained another 5 pounds in the last two weeks. I haven't been sleeping well since my last project does not give me such luxury. Now i'm making up for it...my eyes get real droopy by 9pm and i can be in deep sleep ten minutes later.
Today, i'm just waiting for my man, and our friend, mara to wake up...so we can hop into a rented motorbike (which my doctor told me not to do...we will drive very very slowly...i promise) and head for the nearest surfing spot in town. I can't really surf anymore, when i paddle on the board, i feel my tummy being squished so, i just float around on my back to the board...and let others take the waves...i'm content with the sea and sun. I wonder if they make surf boards with a curve for the tummy? Besides, i still suck at surfing...BUT! i will get better....nothing good is easy...just like motherhood.
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