Yesterday, my mom left for mindanao. I had mixed feelings. I was relieved, for her presence here meant that i worry about her all the time and have to provide for her every need; including the rent to her apartment, daily provision, and her medicine supply. This should not have been a problem if i had a steady income and if i did not have to stop working since my pregnancy renders me a little too fragile nowadays. I had been stressed for the first trimester of my pregnancy, and deciding to take it easy meant i have to stop stressing providing for her at all. I do not want baby with a rheumatic heart or some disorder or worse, no baby at all....despite my fear of childbirth, i am willing to go through it all, if it meant my baby would be well and alive in this world!
But being without my own mother near me is just heart breaking and the comfort she gives me will have to be limited to phone calls, skype and text messages. She taught me the very meaning of tenderness and love. I can't wait to be the kind of mother she is to me. She took care of me here in manila for almost a year, and now i'm glad shell be taking care of my dad, my sister and her family, and our two chikitings, ina and josh. Besides, i'll see her for the holidays. :)
After the airport, i went on a road trip with arvin's family to their home town in Pakil, Laguna. We had to bring their Virgin Mary of immaculate conception which belonged to their great, great grandmother in time for the church procession. It was so fragile and old, that it had to rest on a pillow on their laps in the back seat. There were 7 of us travelling (including, my little bun in the oven).
The town was so quaint! and the church was so old and majestic. Despite my dizzy spells, i insisted on going since i saw the church building on t.v. while watching an 80's flick (Haplos) with vilma santos in it. Arvin pointed out that the church location was in Pakil. And i could not resist beauty! It was a beautiful road trip by the mountains. At one point i was able to see the whole of the Laguna lake. I threw up about 3 times because although the beauty was indeed inspiring, the zigzag road through the mountains proved painstaking to my already dizzy state. Everything we ate and bought on the road graced my stomach for at least an hour and came out rudely, eventually. the road went left to right to left to right, while my tummy went full to empty to full to empty! ayayyay!
Anyway, i am feeling better since the trip. I've decided to talk to my dizziness and shoo it away. And it worked! I have not thrown up since yesterday! yey! i was getting worried about what the doctor said. She said if my condition does not improve and i keep throwing up everything i eat, and i don't gain enough weight, she will have to admit me to the hospital. NO WAY! i will not spend time in a hospital unless i have to deliver the baby. i only really get dizzy come bed time, which works for me, so i can sleep it away! I have to convince myself that although my body is trying to cope with the changes, i still have control. I can and i will.
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